With only seven days left in the year 2003 I find myself thinking more and more about the past. As odd as it seems I have had dreams about my childhood over the last week or so. I even caught myself daydreaming last week about when my dad taught me to ride a bike. What does it all mean?
Perhaps it’s my subconscious telling me that I have finally made that step to adulthood. So much has happened in the last year, much of it I still can’t believe. At the start of the year everything was great. I had a girlfriend that meant the world to me, I was surrounded by friends, and I had never felt better. Come Spring I had moved up the corporate ladder at work to finally become a Working Lead after working for Disney for just over two years. I had finally come to terms with my previous relationship. I was happy in knowing Kat had found someone new and I was content being in a new serious relationship.
At the start of Summer things started going sour. I found myself being slightly less considerate of those around me and found that I was going through some meaningful changes in my life. I had grown tired of the juvenile excitement of spending every night partying. Drinking every weekend, just to get a buzz and act like an ass was no longer fun. I found myself becoming distant to the ones closest to me. I had separated myself from my current scene and finally set my heart on the things which I loved deepest. The darker things, the gothic things.
I found myself being drawn to the darkness more and more. I lost my passion for punk music and my current surroundings. With these changes came many misunderstood gestures and attitudes. Arguments became more frequent with my roomate and distaste for my current living conditions had increased and I found myself wanting out.
Growing tension between Misty and Joe also made it difficult to decide what it was I wanted and needed in my life. I spent nights just crying, screaming on the inside for it all to stop. Never did I think that after a decade of friendship, that for years seemed inseparable, would go sour. In the late summer I proposed to the girl I love more than anything. I announced my engagement to everyone, but nothing hurt more than the somewhat carefree response I got from my “so called” best friend. At that point I knew that we had become two different people. I then knew it was time to move on before things got too bad.
With this came a huge serparation not just from him but also from other acquaintance’s that I had shared so many interests with over the past years. During this time I found new light in friendships where I hadn’t before. Rick and I finally reached the point of a solid friendship. We understood one another, we were there for one another.
Now here I sit in the last days of the year 2003. I have spent countless hours pondering the future, wondering where I will be a year from now. I’ve lost my best friend for various reasons, some selfish and some not. Regardless I have no regrets.
Everything happens for a reason…I now am surrounded by those who I deem closest. Danielle and Brianne are back in the picture and though our visits are far and few, we are just as close as ever. They have embraced mine and Misty’s relationship with open arms and I couldn’t be happier. I have found a new friendship with Rick on a level it’s never been before, and through him I have made many more friends. Friends like Robbie, Alisha, Alex, Danny, and Jason. And while our friendship may never have that same bond Joe and I had shared over the last decade, I know it is a bond that won’t be destroyed by petty things.
Most importantly I have found the girl of my dreams. A girl with an amazing heart, and an even more amazing mind. And while we have our good times and our bad, we know that in the end no matter what is said and done we love one another. And with her comes a whole new family. Her family is probably made up of some of the most caring and down to earth people I know. And while they, just like any family, have their problems; I embrace them with open arms. A hilarious joke cracking, story telling father in-law, a caring and outgoing mother in-law, a wild and crazy little brother, four very hard to get used to sisters, and an adorable little niece to wrap it all up. Never have I felt more welcome into a family.
I lost a lot this year, but I gained even more. This year has been a huge step for me and only time will tell what paths I take next. I do know that this time next year I will be spending my first Yule with a beautiful wife. What does this mean to anyone else? Probably nothing, but it does to me and right now that’s all that matters.
Merry Christmas to everyone, Happy New Year, and Happy Yule, and I’ll see you all next year!