I also wish to address your extremely condescending tone/attitude to everyone that doesn’t agree with you. It’s ridiculous to say the least. Teenagers can be amazingly insightful and deep. Normal teenagers have a wide variety of things/acctivities that they are interested/participate in. I have read many books, several of which are classics, and I don’t consider Bella to be any of their equals, except maybe Juliet’s. The two of them are actually very similar: they are both completely consumed with their first love. It just happens that Bella’s isn’t forbidden, otherwise their stories would almost be exactly the same.

Well, that’s what I have for now and I ask you to please not insult my intelligence, call me honey or anything similar, and refrain from swearing at me. Thank you.

The Top Ten Sides of a Controlling Boyfriend

He’s Always By Your Side

‘If you are in a relationship where it seems that you have no time to yourself, chances are you have a controlling boyfriend. He never wants you to go anywhere without him. There is no more “girls night out” for you and your friends, unless he is with you. Doesn’t sound like a good time.”

While Edward does ‘give’ Bella time to hang out with Angela and Jessica he shouldn’t have to ‘give’ her time to spend with her friends. He never lets her make her own decisions unless someone from his family prevents him from controlling her.

And whenever she is having ‘fun’ with her friends he’s always around the corner with his Volvo to save her from the ‘dirty rapists’ who want to hurt her. (Chapter 8 of Twilight)

Now it takes Alice and Jasper to prevent him from controlling her opinion in the end of Twilight. It takes Emmet and Alice to prevent him from sucking her blood in the beginning of the book. It takes Rosalie to prevent him from forcefully giving her an abortion in Breaking Dawn.

See something wrong with this trend?

You Do What He Likes

“When you do go out, it is to an event that HE chooses. You may not feel like going to a movie, but it is what he wants to do, for example. Also, his turning down an offer to do what you would like is a key sign that he is not flexible. It often leaves the impression that he does not care about your interests. He may, or may not, but he is not supportive either way.”

When Bella is in Port Angeles for the first time and he ‘saves’ her he forces her to go to a restaurant even though she’d been looking for a bookstore. This can pretty much sum up the whole conversation.

“Drink,” he ordered.

I sipped at my soda obediently

She always does what he wants her to do. Forging her signature to go to Dartmouth, the Prom, the Wedding. These are things that she didn’t want but he forced them upon her. Even if it is logical to want some of these things it doesn’t excuse the fact that he forced them onto her. If a child agreed to being abused does that make it right for the abuser to abuse them? No.

You Do Things For Him

“Honey, go pick up some soda for me.” sounds like a genuine request for assistance. If your boyfriend is constantly asking you to run errands, without including you as the benefactor, this is another sign of the need to feel in control. Instead of “…pick up some soda for me.”, the request should be, “We’re out of soda. Can you go pick some up, please?”. Can you see the difference? WE are in need of soda, simply.”

Very honestly I see nothing that he gives Bella in return for ‘all the things’ she does for him. Her life would have been much easier without him returing again and again to give her another dose of the dazzle.

No Manners

“In the previous example, the “please” was left out intentionally. Your boyfriend will not be polite. He will not say “thank you”, “you’re welcome”, “please” or even “excuse me” to you. It is because he is expecting you to comply with his requests. He also feels as if you should be thanking him for allowing you to do things for him.”

Whenever Edward does say please it’s not polite. He doesn’t have manners. He’s not a gentleman. Honestly what sort of gentleman does this to a lady?

“His long hands unexpectedly gripped my waist, and his foot pushed mine off the gas pedal. He pulled me across his lap, wrenching my hands free of the wheel, and suddenly he was in the driver’s seat. The truck
didn’t swerve an inch.”

“We were near the parking lot now. I veered left, toward my truck. Something caught my jacket, yankingme back.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked, outraged. He was gripping a fistful of my jacket in one hand.

I was confused. “I’m going home.”

“Didn’t you hear me promise to take you safely home? Do you think I’m going to let you drive in your condition?” His voice was still indignant.

“What condition? And what about my truck?” I complained.

“I’ll have Alice drop it off after school.” He was towing me toward his car now, pulling me by my jacket.It was all I could do to keep from falling backward. He’d probably just drag me along anyway if I did.

“Let go!” I insisted. He ignored me. I staggered along sideways across the wet sidewalk until we reached the Volvo. Then he finally freed me — I stumbled against the passenger door.”

I hope I’m not the only one seeing things wrong with this situation.

Questions, Questions

“When you can finally break through the chains, and find some free time for yourself, be prepared: your controlling boyfriend will interrogate you when you return. Putting himself in a “father figure” position will install more of a sense of control. Treating you like a child that went to the mall, prior to doing her homework, is the kind of humiliation in you he is trying to achieve.”

Does anything need to be said about Edward’s condescending attitude to her all of the time? And the countless probe sessions that he puts her through because he is unable to read her mind.

No Questions, No Answers

“Unlike the aforementioned subject, your boyfriend will come and go as he pleases, without answering to anyone – especially to you. If you try to question his whereabouts or activities, he will become defensive. The subject will immediately transfer from your asking, “where were you?” to his comeback remark about how you nag him too much, or something similar to that effect. He will ignore answering the question, and make you feel guilty for asking it. This is in hope that you will not do it again.”

Edward is always denying her answers or asking a question in return to her questions. He fits the description quite accurately.

He’s Always Right

“In an argument with a controlling personality, it is very difficult for him to accept defeat. The controlling boyfriend will get more defensive, change the subject, or bring up a past occurrence, when he was, indeed, correct, in order to prove his point with the issue at hand. He may not always be right, completely, but he is never wrong.”

YES! Edward is always right no matter what in all of him and Bella’s ‘disagreements’. She always bends to his will like a rubber band.

Can’t Buy Me Love

“Fools gold has been around for centuries. However, a fool AND his gold have special meaning to the controlling boyfriend. He will buy you nice jewelry, take you to expensive restaurants and maybe even offer to pay a debt of yours. He will say it is because he loves you. Not true. He needs to feel superior to you. You now owe him, in his mind. Who is the fool? To him, you are.”

YES! YES! AND YES! Edward is always buying her expensive gifts and giving her needless expensive things that won’t do her any good. She hates having money squandered on her yet he does it anyway and allows his family to do so not realizing that it adds to her inferiority complex.

You’re Worthless

“Belittling your self-confidence can be have very serious consequences. Making you feel as if you are worthless without him, the controlling boyfriend will prey on times that you may be stressed the most. If you have just lost a job, or if you are experiencing normal hormonal reactions, this is the time he will strike. He wants you to feel as if life is not worth living without him. It’s hard to believe, but his confidence level is actually lower than yours.”

Bingo. Do I even need to give an example of all the times Edward says that he can kill her with his big toe? This is not neccesary. It is also wrong for him to tell her to stay away from him and then say that he’ll see her later in class. What sort of thing is that to say to someone?

No Means No

“This is the most upsetting trait that a controlling boyfriend can display. If he forces you to do things, against your will, he is not in love with you. Whether it is going to a baseball game, when you hate outdoor stadiums, or, even more harsh an act, makes you perform sexually against your will, he is NOT in love with you. Not showing you the courtesy to respect your wishes is not a behavior that goes away. This will continue as an abusive relationship, where you will be treated as an object, instead of a person.”

Bullseye! This is the trait that Edward displays the most. Whether it’s forbidding her to see her friends by taking the motor out of her truck or forcing her to eat when she insists that she isn’t hungry. This is controlling behavior and does not need to continue.

1.Attached At The Hip – many controlling boyfriends behaviour is sparked by their inability to trust. Someone who has to control another always needs to be around to watch what they are doing and to ensure that their partner is only having a “good time” when he is around. If you are in a relationship with someone who insists on always being there and not allowing you any time to yourself, then you are a victim of a controlling boyfriend.

2.On His Terms – if your boyfriend is always making plans without including you in the decision making process, then this is a major sign that he has controlling habits. If he is constantly turning down invites and opportunities to attend events that you have interest in and you always seem to be attending events he has interest in, then chances are you have a controlling boyfriend.

3.Interrogation – a controlling boyfriend is a great fan of interrogation. If you do find a moment to yourself, spend some time with the girls or arrive home a little later than expected, prepare to be asked a lot of questions as to where you were, who you were talking to and why you took so much longer than the average person would. Be careful of being in this type of relationship which usually makes you feel humiliated and as if you are in fact in the wrong.

4.Always Right – regardless of the situation or argument, the controlling boyfriend will never admit to being wrong. This is often also linked to breaking the partner down by making them believe that they are always wrong or doing something wrong. When in this type of relationship, the controlling boyfriend will swiftly change the subject to all the things you may do wrong or have done wrong in the past.

5.Confidence Battering – the controlling boyfriend will be well aware of when you are feeling stressed and a little down. He will use this as an opportunity to “save the day” or sometimes even ridicule you or make you feel silly for even believing you could do something successfully on your own. This can range from social situations to work decisions that you may have made. Breaking down ones confidence can have serious and long lasting effects.

6.Snooping – a controlling boyfriend is usually a professional snoop. He can often be found looking through your emails, sneaking a few peaks at your cell phone messages and even reading your mail. This type of behaviour in a relationship shows his need to control and always be in the know, along with a lack of trust.

7.Isolation – when you find yourself in a relationship with a controlling boyfriend, you will find that he will try and isolate you from your family and friends. This will start usually with general disinterest in them to obvious dislike and will sometimes even try to convince you that they do not love you or care for you and are possibly even out to get you.

Those are even more signs for you to decode and bash.

It such come as a red flag for you when Edwards name flashes across the screen whenever you type the phrase ‘controlling boyfriend’ into google.

There is nothing loving about his behavior.

While many say that it’s ok because it’s his first relationship and he doesn’t know how to react that still doesn’t make it ok.

Are all boys controlling in their first relationships? No.

Harry Potter was not abusive to Cho Chang. In fact it could be considered the exact opposite.

Bella has battered woman syndrome and there is no way to say otherwise.

Let’s see some symptoms of an abused woman shall we?

“DENIAL

The woman refuses to admit–even to herself–that she has been beaten or that there is a “problem” in her marriage. She may call each incident an “accident”. She offers excuses for her husband’s violence and each time firmly believes it will never happen again.

GUILT

She now acknowledges there is a problem, but considers herself responsible for it. She “deserves” to be beaten, she feels, because she has defects in her character and is not living up to her husband’s expectations.

ENLIGHTENMENT

The woman no longer assumes responsibility for her husband’s abusive treatment, recognizing that no one “deserves” to be beaten. She is still committed to her marriage, though, and stays with her husband, hoping they can work things out.

RESPONSIBILITY

Accepting the fact that her husband will not, or can not, stop his violent behavior, the battered woman decides she will no longer submit to it and starts a new life.”

There’s one problem with this though. Bella hasn’t moved on to the third stage. And she never will.

Here on some warning signs that Charlie and any other responsible adult should have picked up in their relationship ages before they got married.

“The abused woman:

* shows guilt, ambivalence, and fear over living conditions.
* feels isolated and untrusting of others, even though she may be involved in the community.
* is emotionally and economically dependent.
* has a poor self-concept (this may not have been true BEFORE the relationship).
* has observed other women in her family being abused or may have been abused as a child.
* feels angry, embarrassed, and ashamed.
* is fearful of being insane.
* has learned to feel helpless and feels powerless.
* has unexplained injuries that may go untreated.

The abusive man:

* shows extreme jealousy and wants to keep the woman isolated.
* has an inability to cope with stress and shows a lack of impulse control. (This may not necessarily appear outside the home)
* shows severe mood swings.
* may have a history of abuse in his own family and may have been abusive in courtship.
* presents a history of personal and/or family discord; unemployment, cruelty to animals, abuse of alcohol or other substances, and other unexplained behavior.”

Edward might not be abusive, but if he wasn’t sure that he’d kill her by smacking her around I’m sure he would be. In all actuality he does cause her phyiscal harm on more than one occasion.

Was it neccasary to throw her out of the way before lunging onto Jasper?

Was it necessary to drag her around by her coat into his Volvo?

I won’t even mention Breaking Dawn.

12 Ways To Tell Whether Your Partner
May Turn Into An Abuser

1. Heavy drinking or drug abuse (especially if he uses substances as an excuse for what he does: “The alcohol made me do it.”)

2. Abuse during the courtship period is a guarantee of further abuse that will become more frequent and severe. Don’t marry him with the belief that “I can change him.” You won’t.

3. Morbid jealousy. This may be a bit flattering at first, but will be a curse later on. You will never convince him that you are innocent of his accusations.

4. Past child abuse and/or witness of marital violence. This happens in some cases. Children learn what they live. Boys tend to copy their fathers. Abused children discipline their own children as they were taught. He may be a “violence carrier”.

5. Inability to handle frustration. If he blows up and explodes at small things, and reacts with a tantrum over minor things, he may act out frustration with violence in a marriage. How he deals with anger is the key.

6. A violent temper. This speaks for itself. If you feel fear when he acts out his anger, that fear is a warning signal. Listen to it!
7. Cruelty to animals, abuse and mistreatment of pets, great enjoyment of hunting for the sake of killing animals could help you to face this question: What makes you know he will treat you any differently?

8. Preoccupation with weapons. They are an extension of self. A person is what she/he lives. If he ever “playfully” points a gun at you or ever gestures at you with another weapon, what could happen if he became very angry with you?

9. Mental illness. A person with an unsound mind or without any sense of moral responsibility or guilt may not be in control of his actions. Does he act in ways that you feel are abnormal or strange?

10. A poor self-image; insecurity about his own masculinity. If he feels compulsive about always being “one up” and dominating and he lives out a macho role at all times, you will be subject to his control and possibly treated like one of his possessions. He may feel he has the right to treat you like his property, to do as he pleases.

11. A pattern of blaming others, particularly his wife, for his problems. If he never accepts his faults and responsibilities when things go wrong, be ready to be blamed for everything.

12. Acceptance of violence as an appropriate problem-solving method. Do you want a man who talks out or acts out his anger?

Edward fits more than 6 of these characteristics. Is that the sign of the perfect boyfriend involved in a healthy relationship? No.

I understand that your a brunette and can picture yourself as Bella because others have ‘known what’s best for you’.

But please don’t say that Edward is nice, even when he’s not, and that he is a good boyfriend. He is a controlling boyfriend and these need to be identified so that Generation Y doesn’t end up screwed up by these books. As much as many people like to disagree, Fiction Influences Most Teenagers Lives.

And by saying that a controlling, potentially abusive, boyfriend is a good thing for a teenage girl you are setting many bad examples for teens.

As for your mother the psychologist that supposedly anayzed Bella and Edward’s relationship, maybe you need to check her degree because if she is indeed a good phsychologist why do you claim to have been a recluse in your youth?

Just because Bella accepts it, that doesn’t make it right!

2. Bella is a whiny little twit. Not just in that she’s popular when she doesn’t want to be, but in that she doesn’t appreciate anything good that happens to her. Charlie gets her a vehicle–she whines. Guys offer to help her–she disses them both and proceeds to whine. She survives almost being crushed by a van–she whines. Her birthday–she whines. Shopping and spending time with friends–whines. Saved from evil vampires–still whining.

Actually, when I look at it, Bella seems to have some major mental disorders that would explain her attitude. Narcissism, histrionic, schizophrenia, bipolar…the girl has issues. And if Bella is supposed to be Meyer’s self-insert…well, it would explain a lot, now wouldn’t it?

Ok, I have exams to study for, so I’ll just leave it to other people to rebuttle). Enjoy.

http://www.twilightsucks.com/forum/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=10158

On Bella… hmm. I don’t hate her THAT much. She’s just an annoying brat . It make me laugh when meyers said Bella had it rough in her life…I beg to differ.

If she a mary sue? Everyone here have their own definition, so here’s mine
1- Everyone love her. And want to her. If not, they’re just jealous harpies( poor Leah, Rosalie and Jessica)
By meyer admition, the prof of biology had a crush on Bella. wow, creepy. Still searching for the interview she said that though…Tyler( confirmed), Mike( confirmed), the prof, Jacob,( hell yes) Eric( not so, I give you that one) and otherr unnamed guys
Oh! Remember the ones that went after Bella in the dark alley? They were wanted rapists, the leader, at least. it’s confirmed again.Sues tend to attract a lot of rapists after all!

2- By own edward admission, “the whole town has been waiting for her”- Midnight sun
don’t forget the guy happily scanned all the mind around. He know what he’s talking about!

3- Bella is just that Special

“I continued to stare into her eyes, feeling that I’d finally gotten my first real glimpse into her soul. I saw in that one word where she ranked herself among her own priorities. Unlike most humans, her own needs were far down the list.
She was selfless.”

It could be argued that Edward is quite biased since he’s madly in love…
oh wait. He DECIDED to be in love instead of eating her. Like Alice forsaw it. Yup. Alice told him so. She saw herself friend with bella after all!( this bother me actually.. I thought Alice ability was linked to people decisions in present…)

“It was clear as glass in her head: Alice, smiling, with her icy white arm around the girl’s warm, fragile shoulders. And Bella was smiling too, her arm around Alice’s waist.’- Midnight sun

4- she’s a self-insert ( now, self-insert arent necessairly bad as long as they’re not the main character, -well in my opinion- )
here’s a decripstion of our heroin:
“…very fair-skinned, with long, straight, dark brown hair and chocolate brown eyes. Her face is heart-shaped—a wide forehead with a widow’s peak, large, wide-spaced eyes, prominent cheekbones, and then a thin nose and a narrow jaw with a pointed chin. Her lips are a little out of proportion, a bit too full for her jaw line. Her eyebrows are darker than her hair and more straight than they are arched. She’s five foot four inches tall, slender but not at all muscular, and weighs about 115 pounds. She has stubby fingernails because she has a nervous habit of biting them.”

Stepheniemeyer.com. and http://das-mervin.livejournal.com/166403.html#cutid1.

compare that description and a picture of Smeyers. The “too full lips” is a clasical “flaw’ suposed to diminish the Mary Sue beauty…when she’s not suposed to look perfect

Oh well, I’m done this series is chick lit anyway. It’s okay to have a guilty pleisure you did pretty well on your article .Even if I do not agree with most your points, It’s nice to have sane fan around, sane fan that can actualy debate ^^. forgive me for the faults, english is not my speciality.

If that’s not a weak, lil’ wimp–then PLEASE remind me what t is.

And seriously, the fact she can’t do ANYTHING by herself and ALWAYS has to have someone sweep her off her feet is practically PATHETIC. Seriously, she barely even fights back–a REAL person who wanted to survive would bite, kick, and scream (even if the enemy is a hell lot stronger).

Arguement fail