5 Things An 8 Year Relationship Has Taught Me About Love, Life and Relationships

Filed Under (Life) by on 07-07-2010

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Nearly 8 years ago this month I met my now wife Misty.  We met at a party my buddy Eddy was throwing and in the beginning didn’t really hit it off.  I was drunk, she was stubborn, and ultimately she left that night with another guy.  The two of them dated casually for a while and then a few months later her and I reunited through the same friend that had introduced us. 2 years later we would marry, 3 years after that she would give birth to our twins Aiden and Cambria, and a year after that we would separate and up until early 2010 nearly end in divorce.  In the last 8 years I have learned a lot, about myself as well as about love, life, and relationships.

1. The Honeymoon Ends

The early years of a relationship are easy.  It’s new, it’s fun, everything seems perfect.  You’re inseparable, you have a ton of similar interests, you share the same circle of friends, etc.  But as the years pass by things change.  The newness wears off and ultimately you have to face the reality that sometimes the person will drive you up a wall, sometimes you simply don’t want the person around and ultimately you might need a few reminders that you are still your own person.

When Misty and I were first together we had a number of similar interests, shared the exact same circle of friends, and did nearly everything together.  This is completely fine…for a while.  As we grew in our relationship a lot changed in our lives.  My career, our friends, and even many of our interests.  At the end of the day it became harder and harder to relate, and the couple that was inseparable became the couple that was unbearable.  In the end we were forced to rediscover one another, find our individuality again and build off of the things we still had in common and find new ground that we shared in order to rekindle the marriage.

2. In Sickness and In Health…

Is a serious statement.  When you hear it in your vows it doesn’t really hit you, that is until a loved one winds up in the hospital or in need of some extra TLC due to an ailment or injury.  In 8 years of being together, Misty and I have probably seen sides of each other that we probably wouldn’t even want our own parents to see us in, but ultimately our commitment to each other has forced us to do things for one another we probably never thought we would have to.  Marriage changes the playing field big time.  You are a support unit and ultimately if you are the only one there to help a person in certain facets of life you might have to deal with the good, the bad, AND the ugly.  And just think…I’m only 29. I’m sure there is tons of fun to be had in my later years.

3. Something Better Will Come Along

Before you stone me to death, hear me out.  Every day we spend on this earth we cross paths with new people, some good and some bad.  In many instances we find people that we are mesmerized by.  People who share our interests, our dreams, our wants and in those moments you may think to yourself, “Oh my God I want this.  This is so much better than what I have.”  In that moment you are probably right, it is.  But only because it is still in that early honeymoon phase that I mentioned before.  This person is just as amazing and wonderful as the person you dedicated your life to, and as time passes they too will lose its luster and you will be forced to go through all the motions again, but you have no way of knowing if those motions will produce the same results.  It’s ok to love, it’s ok to share your life with people, and if you’re fortunate enough to find someone like this in your life, embrace them.  Said person does not need to take the place of the one you love to make a difference in your life and make your life magical.  Make the most of your time with that person and know that if it is written in the stars for them to be a part of your life, they will be.  That doesn’t make the person you go home to any less important, it just means you are that much more blessed for having more amazing people who love you in your life.

4. The Good Always Outweighs the Bad

If I created a list of all the things Misty has done over the years to piss me off I’d need a completely separate blog post for it, as would Misty for me.  However, at the end of the day there is an extensive list of things Misty does for me on a day to day basis that I take for granted.  Furthermore there are a ton of moments and memories that no person, place or thing could ever replace.

It’s easy to focus on the bad.  We all do it.  The media thrives off of it.  That being said, if you can look past some of the things that anger you most you’ll discover that most of them are petty in comparison to the larger picture.  When you get wrapped up in something that upsets you take a step back and look at the whole picture.  You might be surprised at what you find.

5. Time Is Precious

When you think of 2 years it doesn’t seem that long.  When you take that same 2 years and press it up against the timeline of your marriage or the life of your children you realize just how precious that time is.  Every moment we spend on this earth is valuable.  None of us know when we’ll leave this place and once time is gone we can’t get it back.

In the 2 years I was separated from Misty I missed my 5 year wedding anniversary, and a significant portion of the first years of Aiden and Cambria’s life and while I have zero regrets about the time I spent away sorting out my demons I recognize that I could have gone about it differently.  Even when life is at its darkest and you don’t know where to turn, or what direction you are going, make sure that you are still focused on those things that matter most during that time.  Life doesn’t have a rewind button and once it’s gone, its gone.

It’s hard to believe that 8 years ago I was spending my days lounging in my friends pool while his parents were out of town and he was at work without a care in the world.  Now 8 years later I’m writing a post on life lessons and relationships.  This has been a long, hard 8 years that I wouldn’t trade for the world, but I would be destined to repeat my past had I not learned from life over the years.  Don’t live life with regrets, learn from your past to ensure you don’t keep reliving it.

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