A Day Of Loss

Filed Under (Life) by on 09-08-2003

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So today started out pretty bad. I got a call about a half hour or so after I had woken up and was informed my “Grandma” died. I put grandma in quotes since she wasn’t a grandmother through family, but a woman who practically raised me from the day I was born until I was about 7. I haven’t seen her since I was in high school. I didn’t want to since she had developed Alzheimer’s and had no clue who I was. It hurt too much to see her like that. She was my best friend growing up. Someone who was always there to take care of me. Someone who was there when I just wanted to cuddle or when I needed a hug. She died in peace though while she was sleeping at about 9 pm last night. She was a wonderful woman who had lived a long and good life. She will be missed greatly. I’m trying really hard not to cry again, but I figure this is my best way to get all this out…

She was put into a home a few years back in order to assure her safety. They had decided to do it after her daughter woke up to her making Mickey Mouse shaped pancakes for me. Her daughter tried to explain that I wasn’t there and that I was grown up now, but the alzheimer’s wouldn’t let her comprehend that. It makes it that much harder for me knowing a lot of her alzheimer’s moments had to do with me. She kept all her pictures of me and always talked about me. It’s tough knowing that someone who loved you that much is gone. Especially when you love them just as much. Having someone like that pass on is almost like having your mom or dad die. Even though I haven’t seen her in a long time it still hurts as much as it would if I were to have seen her just last week.

It’s odd since I had just thought about her the other day. She was such a huge part of my childhood and yet I haven’t seen her most all of my adult life. It’s tough…This is the second family member I have lost that was close in my lifetime. Both times I never wanted to go see them in a hospital setting for fear of my last memory of them being like that.

My “Uncle” Jack was the same way. He had a heart attack or stroke I forget which while I was in high school. I didn’t go to the hospital that night cuz I didn’t want to see him that way. He died a few days later. I just hate seeing people like that.

I love you Grandma Mildred…I’ll never forget all you taught me.

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