Musings For A Darkened Room

For those of you who are close to me you know that around this time each year I usually go on my Emo rant. The past few years it was on my LJ, but this time I decided to focus more on my Blog since I haven’t used LJ in ages and nobody I am close to even has an account anymore. To a few of you that were at my birthday party you might find this amusing because I physically went emo on some of you that night. I had been drinking and everyone was there and it was just a totally emotional moment for me.

These past few years have been emotional and physical roller coasters. I’ve had my ups, my downs, and loops, but in the end I always wind up grounded and complacent. However, the end of this year has probably been the highlight of them all. I have made some really amazing new friends like Jorge, Nohemi, Russell, Rubi, and Jose. I have patched up or found old friendships like Brianne, Shawna, and Danielle. And then on top of that my existing bonds get even stronger with friends like Rick, Alisha, Joe and Eddy. It’s incredible how one’s friends can make all the difference in the world.

It seems like just yesterday that the whole Kat fiasco was just ending and I was hated by nearly everyone I was close to. I was outcast for my stupidity and in turn had lost everything I’d known. However this year surpasses the last in how great my friendships have been. I am surrounded by great friends, a wonderful wife, and an incredible family.

Tonight I took a small trip down memory lane. Shawna and Brianne posted some old photos from High School on my Myspace page and I got a little choked up looking at them. As lame as it seems High School is something that I cling to. Not for the innocence of it, but for what it helped me become. Had it not been for the bonds I made there I would not be the person I am today. In fact if not for some of those bonds, I might not even be here today. Sure I made some mistakes, made some stupid choices, and did some stupid things, but I had friends that were like family, and today I am seeing a whole new family of friends that means just as much to me. But what makes it even more amazing is that many of the same members of that family still exist; Joe, Rick, Shawna, Danielle, Brianne and now that family is joined with all new friends that I have met along the way.

Along with the friendships that have developed or grown this year I have also had a year of personal growth. After five years of serving the “House of Mouse” I finally made a huge career jump towards the industry I wanted to study. I left a job that was comfortable, that was powerful, and that had potential, to go work in an industry that was foreign to me. Shortly after that move came another great opportunity, the chance to take on the Deadboypro.com project. It had been years since I had built a site from the ground up, and last time I had Joe in the next room helping me code it. This time it was much different. It was on a larger scale, and it had to look a hell of a lot better. I took on the job and after weeks of brainstorming and hard work I had developed the site. It has since taken countless hours out of my day, but at the same time has helped me learn so much about design. The site as far as I am concerned is a work in progress and as my knowledge for the design industry grows so will the site. To me it is a continuation of my goal with Entertainment-Asylum, and I think Danny and everyone at Deadboy for giving me the opportunity.

My last but probably biggest change of the year has been my decision to go back to school. After years of half assed attempts at school I finally found a college that was more my style. The courses were accelerated, I would graduate in two years, and they offered a degree in Visual Communications with a focus on web design. The planets were aligned just right for this opportunity and I jumped at it as soon as I got the chance. So far it has been great and with just over 2 weeks left in my first two courses I have straight A’s, but there is still a long journey ahead of me.

I’m sure that 2007 will have a great deal in store for me and everyone around me. I start my next module of school on January 3 which will bring me 2 classes closer to graduation. I am starting a detox program later this month to help start my year out healthy on the inside and out and then plan to hopefully shed some of the extra weight I have gained over the past few years through regular exercise. I also plan to spend some quality time with my wife. These past few years have been hard on us and I think we have at times lost that bond we once had. My goal for 2007 is to bring that spark back and make our marriage the best it can be. I also plan to spend as much time as possible working on friendships and making time for those in my life. I have a really busy schedule now with work and school, but I plan to make time for family and friends.

None of us really know what 2007 has in store, but I want to thank everyone who has been a part of 2006. It’s been an incredible year and an eventful year. Through the good and bad we all made it through another year. I look forward to seeing those of you who are coming on Sunday and hope we have just as much fun as we did at my birthday party last month.

Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year to everyone!

Reflection, appreciation, pride, and love flowed through me as I interacted with family, co-workers, and friends over the course of those two days. 2005 was the hardest year I have lived thus far, yet it is ending on some of the most positive feelings I have felt in years.

In 2005 I watched huge changes be made in my area under my leadership. Changes that have made huge differences in both the Cast Members and the attractions they work. I saw two Cast Members I had worked hard to develop become two of the strongest leaders in my area. Both showed traits of commitment and the desire to do the right thing for the Cast and Resort. Both are traits I have strongly relied on throughout my career. Knowing that I will no longer be a Lead after the first of the year and knowing how strong the two of them become leaves me with a sense of accomplishment knowing that they can fill my shoes and continue where I left off.

This year was also my first year of marriage, and though they say that the first year is always the hardest I dont think mine could have been much harder. Through sickness and health, for richer or for poorer, we faced it all. We were forced to borrow thousands from my parents to help with outstanding debt when Misty was forced to quit her job when she went into the hospital. Not until about a month ago were we actually able to get back on our feet and get up to date on our own. Atop all these things the regular marital battles of man versus woman a battle that always lead back to the lack of understanding because we dont always think like one another and one would always expect the other to know what they were thinking. However, even after all of this we still love one another as much as they day we were married.

I spent the latter half of August fearing for Mistys safety and well being and did things I never thought I would do for someone, but I did because I loved her and knew I needed to. The first night she was in the hospital and the doctor expressed that her condition could be fatal I panicked. Ive never had to look loss or death straight in the face. In all other cases I would have turned the other way and distanced myself from it. On that day I had no choice but to look it straight in the face. I was numb, I was scared, but I knew I had to be strong for her since she couldnt be strong for herself. In the end the condition wasnt as bad as the ER doctor made it out to be and after a few tiny incisions and just under a week in the hospital she was as good as new. I know there will be many more cases like this in my life, however facing it just under a year of being married can really open your eyes.

Reflecting on 2005 I see just how strong I can be. Though there were a lot of tears, a lot of yelling, a lot of doubt, in the end it has all turned out ok. As January 1, 2006 nears I am seeing the light at the end of a very long and very dark tunnel. With a focus on financial independence, good health, and perhaps a new career path I am moving towards that light with open arms. The world has thrown me lemons all year, and I think its about time I opened up a lemonade stand and did something with those lemons. Ive learned a lot this year. First and foremost dont take the ones you love for granted, you never know when they could be gone. Never let failure get the best of you. In the end acceptance of your loss will bring you to peace with yourself and those around you will embrace you for that. Lastly take time to embrace life and the world around you. In a world plagued by fast this and express that, we often forget to stop to experience the world around us. Some of my best memories of this year were spent just listening and observing. Youd be amazed to see the beauty that surrounds us. Whether it is the laughter and innocence of a small child or taking the time to appreciate a summer breeze as it blows through your hair, take time to savor it. Slow down on your way to work. If you get up a little bit earlier you may feel tired, but in the end your less stressed and in most cases arent as tired as you feel. Enjoy a healthy breakfast, sip a cup of coffee (or favorite energy drink) on your way in to work, listen to some uplifting music, and know that since youre not doing 90 on the 91 theres a chance youll live to see another day and have the opportunity to do it all over again tomorrow.