Musings For A Darkened Room

Being the parent of twins is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because of the sheer fact we were able to have them, a blessing because they survived their premature birth, and a blessing because they are by far one of the most important things in my life. But at the same time they are a curse. A curse because the sheer cost of raising twins is enough to wipe you out, a curse because they rarely want to sleep at the same time leaving you with little to no sleep on some nights, a curse because people constantly view the babies like a circus sideshow…With that said I want to take a break from my ZotFish posts to discuss baby interaction etiquette a little.

I understand that twins are one of those rare things that a lot of people get excited about, but if you’re going to express you’re excitement show some common courtesy. Ever since the wife and I bought a new stroller that is more open, making the babies more visible, it seems that everyone needs to stop us or make a comment about the fact we have twins. We understand the excitement and we appreciate the kind words, but we are really getting tired of the ones that show no common courtesy to us or the babies…So following a long day of irritating individuals I have compiled a list of rules or guidelines to follow when wanting to interact with babies; twins or not.

1. Don’t just walk up and start interacting with someone’s baby. Poking your head in someone’s stroller without at least asking if they mind letting you see their baby is just rude. A simple, “Do you mind if I say hello to your babies?” is courteous to the parent of the baby or babies. Perhaps the parent is hoping the baby will go to sleep, or perhaps the baby is already asleep, or perhaps they simply don’t want the general public disturbing their infants.
2. If you’re in a store don’t inconvenience the whole store by blocking aisles of traffic to visit with someone’s baby. This not only becomes an inconvenience for the other shoppers, but it also makes the family you’re interacting with look like accomplices to your rude ways. If you must interact with the baby kindly pull to the side. During a trip to Sam’s Club today a woman felt the need to stop and gawk at the babies as my wife pushed them in the stroller. She parked her cart diagonally across the aisle preventing myself and shoppers moving in both directions from easily continuing their shopping.
3. If the parents of the child acknowledge your question or comments, but appear to still be trying to move forward with their shopping LET THEM GO! I can’t count the number of times my wife and I have been in a hurry trying to finish the shopping because either the babies are fussy, or the babies need to be changed, or we simply are just in a hurry to get somewhere, and someone stops us to have a in depth conversation about the babies.
4. Use a filter; don’t ask rude or awkward questions. My daughter was born with a hemangioma on the top of her head. You would be amazed at how many people stop to talk to us about the babies and then go, “Oh my god what’s that on her head?” Or “Why does she have a big red thing on her head?” Seriously, that’s like going up to an amputee and asking, “Oh my god where did your leg go?” Stop and think before you ask parents questions that may be awkward or uncomfortable to answer.

Babies are an exciting and wonderful thing, but how you approach them and their family can turn a pleasant interaction into a miserable experience. Consider my rules above next time you feel the need to approach a family, but most of all use common sense. Babies are hard enough to deal with without an outside nuisance being added to the equation.

As a soon to be parent, I have been paying closer attention to toys for younger children over the last few months. As I’ve browsed the shelves of Wal-Mart and Target I’ve noticed an ever growing trend in bilingual toys. It used to be that you could buy some toys in either English or Spanish. Rarely did you have the combination of both. But now it seems that toy makers are increasing their profits by combining both versions into one product. What’s a parent to do if they do not wish for their children to speak Spanish?

Many of you are probably wondering why I am making such a big deal about toys that are bilingual. Plain and simple, it’s the principle of it all. I’ve hated, for some time now, that everything is being geared more and more towards Spanish speaking individuals. I understand that the U.S. is being inundated with Mexicans, I understand that the global economy is evolving, but why do I no longer have a choice as a consumer? Why is it that over time we conform to fit the needs of those who refuse to learn our language or those who are here illegally? One of the guidelines for being a U.S. citizen clearly states, “Applicants for naturalization must be able to read, write, speak, and understand words in ordinary usage in the English language.” So then why are companies doing more and more to cater to those who don’t speak English?

Two words…Money and Politics. Large corporations know that non-English speaking Mexicans, legal or not, are here to stay. They know that the government isn’t going to step up and address the concerns of Americans and as a result of this they can reap the profits. If they make bilingual toys they capture the English speaking consumer as well as the Spanish speaking consumer. It has nothing to do with education or broadening the minds of our children, it has to do with the bottom line, profit.

So here I am, back at square one. I see the problem and the cause, but is there really a solution as a concerned parent and consumer? Obviously the first option is to not buy toys that have this feature or promote Spanish speaking. So obviously I will not be buying Amigo Bear, the newest member of the Care Bear family. I won’t be buying Dora the Explorer or her obnoxious cousin Diego. Obviously these toys aren’t on the top of a parents must have list, but what happens when I come across products from companies like Leap Frog, Playskool, and Fisher Price? Companies that have been trusted by families for generations and are a staple in childhood toys and childhood learning…Do I buy toys that give the option of English or Spanish and hope that my kids don’t click over to Spanish and start walking around the house saying, “Hola Mama, Hola Papa” or do I not buy the toy at all? What happens if my child is exposed to Dora or Diego and it becomes their favorite thing? Do I deny them of their wants solely based on my beliefs, or do I as a father turn away from principle to keep my babies happy?

I don’t believe there is one right or wrong answer out there, and I know for certain that there are two schools of thought regarding this. You have the school of thought that agrees with me who feel that the U.S. is just catering more and more to illegals from Mexico and those who refuse to learn our language. On the other hand you have those who feel it is about broadening your child’s horizons in order to expand and encourage their minds to grow and strive to experience other cultures. I think both schools of thought have legitimate arguments, but why have I, as a consumer and a parent, lost my right to choose. Why is it that if I want to buy my child a Care Bear that teaches them numbers and colors it has to do it in two languages? If I want to use Telly the teaching Time Clock to help my child learn to tell time it has to be taught in English or Spanish?

Maybe my school of thought is now the minority. And those from the other school of thought are the majority…Regardless, as a father-to-be it is frustrating.

Related Articles:

• Bilingual toys take off, Immigrants, adoptions driving sales
• Bilingual toys spell fun for kids in any language
• U.S. Toy Manufacturers Say Bilingual, Multicultural Toys Are a Hit - Toy makers especially target the U.S. Hispanic consumer market

First let me just say that while this is yet another rant about the Hispanic community, this worsening trend is not just limited to them. People of every race have been spotted doing this, however I will say that the Hispanics have pretty much dominated what I have seen. This could be due to the geographical location and demographics of my area, but regardless it’’s ridiculous.

A few nights back Misty and I were at our local Wal-Mart shopping for some last minute Halloween tricks and treats for this years Monsters Ball. As you walk into our ““Friendly South Corona Wal-Mart”” you are greeted by the new trendy air blown Halloween snowglobes. Sadly, we walked into the Wal-Mart watching 3 young Mexican boys kicking the shit out of it as though it were a kickboxing practice bag. I was appalled, but what was more appalling was the fact that their parents were nowhere to be found, and if they were they obviously didn’’t mind their destructive behavior.

Here’’s what amazes me most about this particular story:

1. These boys were probably no older than 4.
2. It did not appear that there was a single adult supervising them nearby
3. The sheer lack of respect for someone else’s property

I write about this because I see it slowly becoming a bigger trend, particularly in the Hispanic community. Misty and I are shopaholics thus I see this on a regular basis. You will find a handful of toddlers sitting in the toy section of your favorite retail store playing with loose toys and occasionally opening toys to play with them. I have started calling it Retail Babysitting because I see many of them planted there by their parents telling them to sit there and play while they shop.

First off in the sick world we live in why would you leave your child ALONE in a store like that? In a world of pedophiles and perverts I would never leave my toddler alone even if they are occasionally with their slightly older brother or sister. By slightly older I mean between the ages of 7 and 10. It just doesn’t make sense.

Second the toys in the toy section are there to be purchased, not to be used and abused like a play area. They are not there to occupy your children while you roam the rest of the store.

Lastly when your unsupervised children open and destroy the toys and products in the store you are costing consumers money. The same way that shoplifters cost consumers money. If the store can’t sell the product they lose money and when they lose money they pass the loss on to the consumer.

Nobody should leave their child unattended in a store. Bottom line. I don’t care if you black, white, red, yellow, purple, green, or blue. Don’t leave your kid alone to do as they please in the store, especially in the toy section. If I were a pedophile or pervert I think the first place I would look for kids in a store is the toy section. Furthermore nobody is going to watch your kids for you. Sure Wendy the Wal-Mart employee is stocking the shelves in that area, but she’s doing just that. She’s not watching your children. Nor will she know what happened to them when they suddenly go missing.

Furthermore, it doesn’t matter if you are in the same store as them. You’re on the opposite end of the store. A lot can happen between toys and housewares. You can’t see your children and they can’t see you.

It’s time for the Hispanic community to start doing something about this. I’m not sure if it’s a culture thing or just sheer ignorance, but it needs to end. It’s almost as though once your children can walk you let them take care of themselves and roam freely. The truth is they can’t and their 7 year old brother or sister can’t either. Sure the older sibling can definitely help out, but they should not be given the responsibility of adult supervision. I see so many members of the Hispanic community treating their children like a burden or inconvenience more than a member of the family.

Perhaps I am the ignorant one and I just don’t under Hispanic culture, but god dammit I get tired of bratty kids ruining my shopping experience. I get tired of Hispanic kids running through the toy aisles chasing eachother with swords, throwing balls, opening toys, and laying sprawled out in the aisles playing with toys. I hate watching them destroy everything they touch and then leave a disaster area in their path. I hate that I see babies sitting in the aisles gnawing on a toy that they have no intent on buying. When I have kids the last thing I want is your toddlers filth all over the toy I am buying them. It’s disgusting and considering the trend your child is probably putting their mouth on a toy that some other persons baby was gnawing on 20 minutes earlier. What’s worse is that it appears as though it never phases the parents when they are there. They never discipline them for it or make them stop. They ignore it.

To the parents of these children:

1. Start supervising your children.
2. Teach them some fucking values (Respect, Dignity, Manners)
3. Recognize the daily threat that there are people out there who would love to hurt or sexually assault your children.
4. THE STORE IS NOT YOUR BABYSITTER!